Edge United Methodist Church
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When the Same Story Is Told Again A church member shared the same childhood story several times during fellowship. At first, people corrected him by saying, “You already told us that.” Each time, he became quieter and more embarrassed. One member began responding differently. She listened for the feeling behind the story and asked, “It sounds like that was a joyful time in your life. What did you enjoy most about it?” The story was repeated, but the person felt heard instead of corrected. Simple Tips • Respond to the feeling behind the story, even when you remember hearing it before. • Avoid saying, “You already told me that.” • Ask a gentle question that helps the person feel included. • Redirect the conversation naturally when others need an opportunity to speak. • Remember that your response may be forgotten, but the feeling of being respected can remain. Remember Repetition is not an attempt to annoy others. For someone living with memory impairment, the story may feel new each time it is shared. A few patient minutes can help someone remain connected to the church community and remind them that their voice still matters.
Introduce Yourself Again A church member approached an older gentleman and asked, “Do you remember me?” The gentleman looked uncomfortable and tried to guess. When he could not remember, he lowered his head in embarrassment. The next Sunday, the church member greeted him differently: “Good morning, Henry. I’m Robert. We used to serve on the usher team together.” Henry smiled because he could enjoy the conversation without having his memory tested. Simple Tips • Begin by sharing your name. • Explain how you know the person. • Avoid asking, “Do you remember me?” • Do not take it personally if you are not recognized. • Continue speaking warmly, even if an introduction is needed every time. Remember A person does not need to remember your name to experience your kindness. Introducing yourself again protects dignity and makes the church feel welcoming and safe.
Make Important Places Easier to Find During fellowship time, a church member living with memory impairment left the room to find the restroom. The hallways looked similar, and the restroom sign was difficult to see. After walking around for several minutes, he became anxious and embarrassed. A volunteer calmly approached and said, “I’m heading that way. Let’s walk together.” The church later added larger, easy to read signs at important locations. Simple Tips • Use large signs with clear words and familiar symbols. • Place signs where they can be easily seen. • Keep hallways well lit and free from clutter. • Offer to walk with the person instead of pointing from a distance. • Provide assistance quietly without drawing unnecessary attention. Remember Finding a restroom, sanctuary, or fellowship hall should not become a test of someone’s memory. A church that is easier to navigate helps everyone participate with greater confidence and independence.
Respond to the Feeling After worship, a woman living with memory impairment asked when her husband would be arriving. Her husband had died several years earlier. Instead of immediately correcting her and causing her to experience the loss again, a church member gently said, “You miss him. Tell me something you love about him.” The woman smiled and began sharing a favorite memory. Simple Tips • Listen for the feeling behind the person’s words. • Avoid arguing or repeatedly forcing a painful correction. • Offer reassurance if the person appears worried or frightened. • Invite the person to share a comforting memory. • Ask the family or caregiver how they usually respond to this situation. • Gently redirect attention toward a familiar person or activity when helpful. Remember Facts may be difficult for someone with memory impairment to understand in the moment, but feelings remain real. A compassionate response can provide comfort without creating unnecessary distress.
Do Not Let Every Visit Become a Checklist Every time Maria visited her father, she checked the refrigerator, sorted his mail, cleaned the kitchen, and reviewed everything he needed to do. She was caring for him, but their visits began to feel more like inspections than time between a father and daughter. One afternoon, Maria left the checklist in her purse. She sat beside her father, shared a cup of coffee, and asked him about the music he loved when he was young. The chores were still important, but so was their relationship. Simple Tips • Begin the visit with conversation instead of a list of tasks. • Ask your parent what they would enjoy doing together. • Set aside a few minutes when you are simply a son, daughter, spouse, or friend. • Complete necessary tasks without making every conversation about care. • Share a snack, look at photographs, listen to music, or sit outside together. Remember Caregiving includes getting things done, but your aging family member also needs your presence. Sometimes the most meaningful part of a visit is not what you accomplish. It is the moment you share together.
Talk With Them, Not Around Them At a family gathering, two adult children began discussing their mother’s appointments, transportation, and changing needs while she sat beside them. No one asked what she thought. Although the conversation was about her, she felt invisible. Her granddaughter pulled up a chair, looked at her, and asked, “Grandma, what would make this easier for you?” That simple question brought her back into the conversation. Simple Tips • Speak directly to your aging family member. • Ask what they want before making plans for them. • Give them enough time to answer without interrupting. • Avoid discussing their needs as though they are not in the room. • Include them in every decision they can understand and make. • If a private family conversation is necessary, arrange it respectfully. Remember Needing support does not erase someone’s voice. Including an aging family member in conversations about their own life protects dignity and reminds them that their thoughts still matter.
Familiar Places Bring Comfort Wanting to help, David reorganized his mother’s kitchen. He moved the cups closer to the sink, placed the food in different cabinets, and cleared several familiar items from the counter. The kitchen looked neater, but his mother could no longer find the mug she used every morning. The changes made her feel confused in her own home. David returned the most familiar items to their usual places and began asking before making other changes. Simple Tips • Ask permission before reorganizing someone’s belongings. • Keep frequently used items in familiar locations. • Make one small change at a time. • Explain necessary changes using simple language. • Use clear labels when they would be helpful. • Preserve familiar photographs, decorations, and routines whenever possible. Remember A familiar environment can provide comfort, confidence, and independence. What looks like clutter to someone else may help an aging parent recognize that they are home.
Caregiving Is Not a Competition After their mother began needing more support, two sisters started comparing everything they did. One kept track of appointments and medications. The other bought groceries and called each evening. Both felt that the other was not doing enough. Their frustration grew until they realized they were measuring each other instead of working together. They listed their mother’s needs and divided them according to their time, location, and strengths. Simple Tips • Talk openly about what each family member can realistically provide. • Divide responsibilities according to strengths rather than expecting everyone to contribute in the same way. • Use a shared calendar or message thread to communicate important information. • Ask for help clearly instead of waiting for someone to notice. • Discuss disagreements away from your aging family member. • Appreciate each contribution, even when it looks different from yours. Remember Fair does not always mean equal. One person may provide transportation while another handles phone calls, finances, or emotional support. The goal is not to prove who cares the most. It is to make sure your loved one receives the care they need.
Church Board
Helping Without Taking Over As people in the congregation age, they may move more slowly, forget familiar details, or need a little extra support. Their families may already be lovingly involved, but the church still has an important role to play. The goal is not to take control. It is to walk beside the person and their family while protecting dignity, independence, and belonging. A Simple Story A longtime church member began having difficulty finding her usual seat and following the order of worship. Instead of drawing attention to it, a familiar church friend began greeting her at the door and asking, “Would you like me to walk in with you?” That small invitation allowed her to receive help without feeling helpless. She remained a valued member of the congregation, not a problem that needed to be managed. Tips for the Church • Ask before helping rather than assuming help is needed. • Speak directly to the older adult, even when their family is present. • Offer choices so the person can maintain a sense of independence. • Identify one or two familiar people who can provide consistent support. • Communicate with the family and ask how the church can complement the care already being provided. • Continue inviting the person to worship, activities, meals, and meaningful opportunities to participate. Remember Support should never make someone feel pushed aside. The church can honor aging members by noticing changes, offering quiet assistance, and reminding them that they are still known, needed, and loved.
Compassion and Boundaries Can Coexist Memory impairment can sometimes affect judgment, communication, emotions, or behavior. A person may become verbally threatening, physically aggressive, sexually inappropriate, or disruptive in a way that frightens or harms others. The congregation should respond with compassion, but memory impairment does not mean every behavior must be accepted. Protecting others is also an act of care. In the Moment • Stay calm and avoid arguing, correcting, or surrounding the person. • Give the person space and reduce noise and activity around them. • Move other congregation members to a safe area when necessary. • Have one familiar, trusted person speak in a calm and respectful voice. • If anyone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services. After the Incident • Write down what happened using facts rather than opinions or labels. • Speak privately with the individual and their family or caregiver. • Ask the family what may help the person feel safe and supported. • Create a simple plan identifying who will respond if the behavior happens again. • Set clear boundaries about behavior that cannot continue. • Consider changes such as a quieter worship time, a familiar companion, shorter visits, or seating near an exit. • Protect the privacy and dignity of everyone involved. Remember A diagnosis may help explain a behavior, but it does not remove the church’s responsibility to protect its congregation. A church can welcome someone, support their family, and still establish necessary limits. Compassion does not mean ignoring harm. It means responding with dignity, wisdom, safety, and care for everyone.
When Safety Requires Law Enforcement There may be moments when a person experiencing memory impairment becomes physically aggressive, threatening, or unsafe. If the congregation cannot safely calm the situation, local law enforcement may need to be contacted. Calling for help does not mean the church has stopped caring. It means the congregation recognizes that everyone’s safety matters, including the safety of the person experiencing the behavior. When Help Is Needed • Call 911 when someone is in immediate danger, a weapon is involved, or the situation cannot be safely controlled. • Use the local nonemergency number when assistance is needed but there is no immediate threat. • Tell the dispatcher that the person may be experiencing memory impairment or confusion. • Describe exactly what the person is doing rather than using labels such as “violent” or “out of control.” While Waiting for Help • Move other congregation members to a safe location. • Reduce noise, movement, and the number of people surrounding the person. • Ask one calm and familiar individual to communicate with them. • Avoid arguing, correcting, threatening, or attempting to physically restrain the person. • Have someone meet responding officers and quietly explain the situation before they approach. After the Incident • Check on anyone who was frightened, threatened, or injured. • Contact the person’s family or caregiver and discuss what occurred privately. • Document the incident using clear and factual information. • Develop a written safety plan before the person returns. • Consider whether additional support, supervision, or a different way of participating is needed. • Continue offering pastoral care to the person and their family while maintaining necessary boundaries. Remember Compassion does not require a congregation to tolerate dangerous behavior. Contacting law enforcement may sometimes be the safest and most caring response available. The church can protect its congregation, preserve the person’s dignity, support the family, and acknowledge that some situations require trained emergency assistance.
When a Family Says the Church Is Not Accepting When a church establishes boundaries because someone’s behavior has frightened, threatened, or harmed others, a family member may feel that their loved one is being rejected. They may turn to social media and say that the church is uncaring or unwilling to accept someone living with memory impairment. This can quickly create attention, criticism, and pressure from people who do not know the full story. The church may feel tempted to defend itself by sharing details. However, responding emotionally or revealing private information can make the situation worse. Acceptance Does Not Mean Accepting Every Behavior Every person should be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect. A person living with memory impairment should not be judged or excluded simply because of a diagnosis. However, accepting a person does not mean that every behavior is acceptable. Threats, physical aggression, inappropriate touching, harassment, or other harmful conduct must be addressed. The church has a responsibility to care for the individual while also protecting congregation members, visitors, volunteers, and staff. A diagnosis may help explain a behavior, but it does not erase its effect on others. Understand the Family’s Feelings The family member may be grieving changes in someone they love. They may feel embarrassed, defensive, overwhelmed, or afraid that their loved one is losing another important connection. Their social media post may come from pain rather than a desire to harm the church. Recognizing that pain can help church leaders respond with compassion. It does not mean the church must change a necessary safety decision. Responding to Social Media Attention Remain calm Do not respond immediately out of anger, fear, or embarrassment. Allow church leaders time to review what was posted and agree on an appropriate response. Protect everyone’s privacy Do not explain the person’s diagnosis, behavior, family circumstances, or details of an incident online. The church may know information that would defend its decision, but social media is not the place to share it. Choose one spokesperson One pastor or designated church leader should communicate for the church. Congregation members should not be encouraged to argue with the family or defend the church in the comments. Offer a brief public response If a response is necessary, keep it compassionate and general: “We are saddened that this family feels unsupported. Because we respect the privacy of everyone involved, we cannot discuss personal circumstances publicly. Our church is committed to welcoming people with compassion while maintaining a safe environment for everyone. We remain willing to speak privately with the family.” Invite a private conversation Contact the family directly and invite them to meet with church leaders. Listen to their concerns, explain the church’s boundaries, and explore whether a safe plan can be created together. Document what is happening Keep copies of public posts, messages, previous conversations, incident reports, and the church’s responses. Record facts without adding insults, assumptions, or personal opinions. Do not fight a social media battle Avoid arguing in the comments, correcting every accusation, or asking church members to post messages supporting the church. A public debate rarely brings understanding or healing. Address threats appropriately If a post contains a credible threat or encourages someone to harm or confront others, preserve the information and contact the appropriate authorities or professional advisers. Continue to Offer a Path Forward The church can maintain its boundaries while continuing to offer pastoral care. This might include meeting with the family, arranging a familiar companion, choosing a quieter service, providing additional supervision, or identifying another safe way for the person to remain connected. Sometimes an immediate return will not be safe. In that situation, the church can still offer prayer, phone calls, visits, communion, or other forms of spiritual connection. Love Requires Both Compassion and Courage Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That love includes the person experiencing memory impairment, the family carrying a difficult burden, and the congregation members affected by the behavior. The church should never shame or abandon a family. It also should not ignore harmful behavior because it fears criticism on social media. Compassion listens. Wisdom establishes boundaries. Love seeks the safety and dignity of everyone involved.
GRACE Board
Meals on Wheels An older church member stopped attending fellowship meals because shopping and preparing food had become difficult. Church members occasionally delivered a meal, but they realized she needed more consistent support. They helped her find a local Meals on Wheels provider. She began receiving nutritious meals and friendly visits while remaining connected to people in her community. Connect With Meals on Wheels https://www.mealsonwheelsamerica.org/ Find Local Services: Meals on Wheels America Enter a ZIP code to locate nearby meal providers. Eligibility, cost, and available services vary by location. How It Can Help Local programs may offer: • Meals delivered to the home • Community dining opportunities • Nutrition education • Friendly visits and social connection • Transportation or other supportive services • Pet food or minor home assistance in some communities Ways the Church Can Help • Help an aging adult or caregiver search for a local provider. • Ask permission before making a referral for someone. • Assist with completing an application if requested. • Check whether the person has food while waiting for services to begin. • Continue visiting after meal delivery starts. • Place information about local meal programs in the church resource area. Reaching Into the Community Contact the local Meals on Wheels provider and introduce your congregation. Ask about volunteer opportunities such as delivering meals, making friendly calls, preparing food, or supporting special projects. The church can also collect requested supplies, share volunteer needs with the congregation, or offer space for a community meal when appropriate. Remember A delivered meal provides more than nutrition. It can offer conversation, reassurance, and a connection to the community. When the church helps someone find nourishment and companionship, it helps care for both the body and the spirit.
SHIP Medicare can feel overwhelming. Older adults and caregivers may receive confusing mail, see numerous advertisements, or feel pressured to select a plan before they fully understand their choices. The State Health Insurance Assistance Program, known as SHIP, connects people with trained counselors who provide free, unbiased, individual Medicare assistance. Every state has a SHIP program, although the local program may use a different name. Connect With SHIP Find Your State Program: www.shiphelp.org Select your state to find local contact information and request Medicare counseling. How It Can Help SHIP counselors can help people: • Understand Medicare coverage • Compare available options • Review Medicare notices and statements • Understand costs and benefits • Identify possible assistance programs • Recognize and report suspected Medicare fraud • Make informed decisions without receiving a sales pitch Ways the Church Can Help • Share the SHIP website in the church newsletter and resource area. • Help an older adult locate the program serving their state. • Provide a quiet place for a private telephone consultation. • Remind people not to share Medicare numbers in public conversations. • Encourage caregivers to attend counseling appointments with permission. • Avoid recommending a particular insurance plan or agent. Reaching Into the Community Contact the SHIP program serving your area and ask whether a trained counselor can provide a Medicare education program at the church. Invite older adults and caregivers from the entire community. Clearly explain that the program is educational and not an insurance sales event. The church can also ask about opportunities for volunteers to receive training and help others understand Medicare. Remember The church does not need to answer complicated insurance questions. It can connect people with trained counselors who will listen and explain their choices. Helping someone find clear and trustworthy information is one way the church can reduce fear and restore confidence.
Senior Planet from AARP Technology can help older adults stay connected, but learning to use a smartphone, video call, or online service can feel frustrating. Some people may avoid technology because they are afraid of making a mistake. Senior Planet from AARP offers free online classes created for older adults. Participants can learn new skills, explore interests, and connect with others from home. Connect With Senior Planet Website: www.seniorplanet.org Explore Free Classes: Senior Planet Classes What People Can Explore • Smartphones and applications • Zoom and video calling • Online privacy and scam prevention • Health and wellness • Fitness and movement • Personal finance • Genealogy and creativity • Social connection and discussion groups Ways the Church Can Help • Help an older adult find a class that matches their interests. • Provide assistance with joining an online class for the first time. • Create a technology buddy program connecting patient volunteers with older adults. • Offer church internet access to someone who does not have it at home. • Avoid taking control of the device. Let the person practice each step. • Write down simple instructions they can use later. Reaching Into the Community Choose a free Senior Planet class and invite older adults from the congregation and community to participate together at the church. Ask volunteers to remain afterward to answer basic technology questions. The church can also partner with a library, senior center, or community organization to offer additional technology support. Remember Technology should create connection, not frustration or embarrassment. With encouragement and patient guidance, older adults can discover new ways to learn, participate, and stay connected. Helping someone gain confidence with technology can open a new door to their community.
Falls Free CheckUp Fear of falling can cause an older adult to stop attending worship, community events, or activities they once enjoyed. Sometimes the person never tells anyone why they have stopped coming. The National Council on Aging offers a free Falls Free CheckUp. The online tool asks 13 simple questions and provides a personal fall risk score with resources that may help reduce the risk. Connect With the Resource Take the Falls Free CheckUp: NCOA Falls Free CheckUp Explore Fall Prevention Resources: NCOA Fall Prevention The checkup is available online, with printable versions offered in English and Spanish. Ways the Church Can Help • Offer to help someone access or print the checkup. • Encourage the person to discuss their results with a qualified healthcare provider. • Keep entrances, aisles, and hallways free from cords and clutter. • Provide good lighting around stairs, ramps, and parking areas. • Make sure railings and seating are secure. • Offer an arm only after asking whether assistance is wanted. • Avoid drawing attention to someone who moves slowly or uses a mobility device. Reaching Into the Community Invite a local aging organization, health department, physical therapist, or other qualified professional to provide a fall prevention program. The church can also partner with community organizations to offer balance classes, home safety education, or mobility device information. Invite older adults and caregivers from throughout the community. Remember Preventing falls is not only about avoiding injury. It can help older adults preserve their confidence, independence, and ability to remain involved. When a church removes physical barriers and offers thoughtful support, it creates a safer place for everyone to belong.
Bored Board
Create a Family Tabletop Museum Turn a few meaningful objects from around the home into a small family museum. This activity creates conversation, gives familiar belongings new attention, and helps preserve family stories. What You Need • Three to five meaningful household objects • Small pieces of paper or index cards • A pen or marker • A tray, table, or empty shelf How to Do It Look around the home and select a few safe objects with an interesting story. Place the objects together on a table or tray. Talk about each object. Ask where it came from, how it was used, or why it matters. Write a short description for each item. Arrange the objects and descriptions as a miniature museum display. Take a photograph of the completed display to share with family. Conversation Starters • Where did this come from? • Who used it? • What does it remind you of? • Why has it been kept? • What would you want younger family members to know about it? Make It Easier If your aging parent has difficulty remembering, do not turn the activity into a test. Share what you know, notice the object’s color or texture, and enjoy whatever thoughts or feelings it brings. Avoid objects that are heavy, sharp, or easily broken. Remember Ordinary belongings often hold extraordinary stories. Creating a small museum can turn a quiet afternoon into a meaningful opportunity to discover and preserve part of your family’s history.
Take an At Home Photo Scavenger Hunt Use a phone or camera to rediscover interesting things already inside the home. This activity encourages movement, observation, creativity, and conversation. What You Need • A phone or camera • The scavenger hunt list below • A safe path through the home Find and Photograph • Something that makes you smile • Something older than you expected • Something with your favorite color • Something you use every day • Something received as a gift • Something that reminds you of another person • Something with an interesting shape or texture How to Do It Read one scavenger hunt clue at a time. Look around the home for an item that fits the clue. Take a photograph of the chosen object. Talk about why that item was selected. Review all the pictures at the end and choose a favorite. Send the favorite photograph to a family member or friend. Make It Easier Place several objects on a table and complete the hunt while seated. Avoid stairs, step stools, cluttered areas, and hard to reach objects. If using a phone is difficult, one person can choose the items while the other takes the photographs. Remember You do not always need to leave home to discover something interesting. Looking at familiar surroundings in a new way can turn ordinary objects into conversation, memories, and fun.
Create a One Day Time Capsule Ordinary days are part of your family’s story. Create a small time capsule that captures what life is like today, then choose a future date to open it together. What You Need • A box, envelope, or container • Paper and a pen • A few small items from today What to Include • Today’s date and weather • A list of favorite foods, songs, or television programs • A photograph or drawing • A receipt, church bulletin, greeting card, or newspaper clipping • One good thing that happened today • A note to your future selves How to Do It Choose a container for the time capsule. Write down a few details about today. Select two or three safe items to place inside. Talk about what each item represents. Write a date on the outside for reopening it. Store it somewhere safe and add the reopening date to the calendar. Make It Easier If writing is difficult, ask the questions and record the answers for your aging parent. The capsule can also be created digitally by taking photographs and saving them in a special phone album. Remember A day does not need to be extraordinary to be worth remembering. Capturing a few simple moments can create connection today and something meaningful to enjoy again tomorrow.
Design a Family Flag Create a flag using colors, words, and symbols that represent your family. This activity encourages creativity and can lead to meaningful conversations about the people, places, and traditions that make your family special. What You Need • A piece of paper • Markers, crayons, or colored pencils • A ruler or another straight edge if desired How to Do It Choose two or three colors that represent your family. Divide the paper into simple sections. Add a symbol representing something your family enjoys. Include a meaningful word, family name, or important date. Give the flag a name. Display it on the refrigerator or share a photograph with family members. Conversation Starters • Which colors remind you of our family? • What activity has brought our family together? • What place is important to us? • Which word best describes our family? • What tradition should future generations continue? Make It Easier Offer a few colors and symbols from which to choose. One person can draw while the other makes the decisions. The flag can be as simple as one color, one shape, and one meaningful word. Remember A family is built from shared people, places, stories, and traditions. Creating a family flag can turn those connections into something meaningful that everyone can see.
Sing a Familiar Hymn Together Music can provide comfort, encourage participation, and create a meaningful spiritual moment at home. Spiritual Eldercare offers free Christian videos designed especially for older adults, including people living with memory impairment. The channel includes familiar sing along hymns, Bible studies, prayers, and dementia friendly worship services. What You Need • A phone, tablet, computer, or smart television • Access to YouTube • A comfortable place to listen together Find Spiritual Eldercare YouTube Channel: Spiritual Eldercare How to Do It Open the Spiritual Eldercare YouTube channel. Select a familiar hymn or short worship video. Turn on captions and adjust the volume if helpful. Listen, hum, or sing along together. After the video, talk about the feeling created by the music. End by sharing a short prayer or one thing for which you are thankful. Conversation Starters • Have you heard this hymn before? • How does this music make you feel? • Did your family sing hymns together? • Is there someone this song brings to mind? • What would you like us to pray about today? Make It Easier Do not test the person’s memory or expect them to remember every word. They can listen, hum, tap to the rhythm, or simply sit quietly. If the entire video feels too long, watch only one hymn or a few minutes. The goal is connection, not completion. Remember A person may forget the title of a hymn while still recognizing its comfort. A few minutes of familiar music can bring peace, faith, and companionship into an ordinary day at home.